The past few days i have been inspired and fired up! Firstly, i am feeling my 'me' coming back....i am bursting with energy and positiveness and it is only the occasional twinge from body parts and the still-fresh memory of where i was 2 weeks ago that is keeping me from being a complete idiot! lol

I am on the move. Not breaking any land records but moving then resting. Once again, this brings me back to the early early days of this journey when i began with walking..since walking is where i'm at now..and once again i repeat that it is the one thing that anyone can do, in any shape....no excuses. Simple walking, outside in the fresh air, is absolutely invigorating .... for the soul and for the mind i think foremost...and for the body secondly. Without the sense of accomplishment and control and success in the mind, the body will not follow.

When my life was in the absolute toilet - emotionally - i started by walking until the pain went away and then turned around to come home.

Two and half weeks ago, 3 days post surgery, when i was in the most horrid, physically painful state my body has ever been in i somehow, no doubt with angels watching over me, slipped on my runners and went outside under early morning darkness to shuffle 2 houses to the left and 3 houses to the right...just to be 'out there'...because my soul needed it.... I needed it.... like a hand reaching out to a long lost lover i had to get out there...i had to make that connection to know that i would be okay...

Visualization. Motivation. Goal setting. Without setting long term as well as daily and weekly goals, you can't visualize yourself achieving them.... and if you can't visualize it, how can you motivate yourself to find a goal and reach for it....

Random comment - i was watching the Miss America contest last night...yeah, yeah, i knowwwww...lol.. Anyhow, during the pre-show, when they were 'discussing' the various "misses" in their bathing suits, along come Miss Florida, i think it was...and from the girls they had showed up to that point, she had a body very similar to a figure athlete, i would say.... and the comment was made from a former Miss America, and not in a flattering manner, that her body looked like armour. So i guess it wasn't considered "American girl" enough.

The comment "body like armour" stuck in my head. It brought to mind a sort of protection. It is a look i am working hard to achieve... but the word 'protection'? Then it kind of occured to me that being fat....layering my body in heaviness (and i speak in the past as that is the the Linda that used to be) was a form of protection as well. Fat keeps the world at bay...it protects us from having to deal with a lot of people/situations/life...that we probably don't think we're good at, or desirable for .... it 'protects' us....not weakens us, as many would think...

Funny ... interesting perhaps.... that i have chosen to go from fat armour to muscle armour...? Even though the shell has changed the reasons for the shell perhaps have not?? hmmmmmmmmmm........a thought worth exploring when i go for my walk this morning...

But... what i do know is that this armour that i am forging is a healthier support system for the life i so fiercely protect and i am, in the end, the only person i am totally and completely in care and control of...there are many things i do not have the power to change...but i can change me...and be excited doing it !

It's almost 7am and i am back on the couch after sleeping in my own bed last night for the first time. I slept, but i'm not sure if it was better, worse, or the same as the couch.

Yesterday was a pretty good day...managed to make myself a shake in the morning and then take some advil and went for a 2 hour nap...wore me out that much....but as the day proceeded i only had 2 more advil, singularly throughout the day and a T3 at bedtime...those things are evil.

Also, big exciting times...had 'the shower' yesterday. Felt good to be under the hot water with 'the thing' off...a little nauseous between feeling the air on your body and just seeing your body...i looked but didn't stare...lol... so polite eh? ... then getting 'it' back on was sore...but your brain adjusts very quickly to what 'sore' is... thank goodness for friends who are good enough to help thru this whole procedure and pat all your nooks and crannies dry!

This morning i woke up at 6, got myself downstairs...and....shhhhhhh...don't tell my kids.... managed somehow to slip on my runners, coat and mitts...somehow (and don't ask me how now, but once again, how the body chooses to adapt or ignore pain) managed to bend/squat enough to get the leash on the dog and we went outside...beautiful outside cold morning air...for a wee walk...2 houses to the left and 3 to the right...3 times...more like a shuffle and didn't go further since these were the only houses where people had shovelled their walks which are now melted dry instead of frozen over. Yeah, it was sore and my left leg was burning with pain (the right is perfectly fine)...but you have to move and get the blood flowing, get air into your body...and then i had enough, the dog sat patiently while i struggled to get the leash off...popped 2 advil and am now on the couch, under the blanket and the pain is subsiding...

....my new version of the saturday stairs! lol

and other than tackling another shower today i promise that will be my only other 'circuit training' today!

Okay, so you want to hear something funnyyyyyy....this so falls into the category of "too much information Linda"..but what the hell, we're all adults here... heehheeee.. you should be very leary about what i'm about to tell you....hahaha

so, okay, you get this tummy tuck...they pull down your upper belly and pull up your abdomen, lower belly...which includes your pubic area, right..?... stay with me....so yesterday, i'm having a pee...and by now all the leakage had been figured out, padded up, i'm not peering down to see what the heck is going on down there anymore...so i sit..like you know,we all have our position... and i start to pee and i'm peeing straight ahead...like clearing the top of the toilet seat!!!! so i'm thinking...and LAUGHING...when they pull up...they PULL UP!! everything comes with it!! Can you imagine if i have another one of these in my 70's? I'll end up peeing in my eyeballs!!!!

...I'll give you a moment to get the vision out of your head and wipe your eyes from laughing...

Seriously, i'm sure gravity will make everything right again in a short time...but these are the things that no one wants to talk about (no wonder i was the mom that everyone else asked to explain the facts of life to their kids!).... you heard it here first folks!! LOL

now that you've had your laugh, get on with your day while i lollygag on the couch....

The eve....

...of surgery :)

Had a wonderful day today, got things tidied up at work, had a wonderful massage (left major drool pools on the carpet! lol), a long overdue visit with a close friend and coffee with my girl, Frances! What a special person she has become in my life and along this journey....a coach, mentor, and most importantly a friend!

I am so lucky to have, somehow, managed to surround myself with this "crew" of supporters... 'fit friends', singing friends, community volunteer friends...all a part of me, my soul....the pieces that make Linda who she is able to be....

I am pumped and ready for this body transformation...as much as i will be moaning 12 hours from now, saying 'whyyyyy did i do this'...!!

Another friend just called...not to wish me luck...but to wish me peace....

Peace with the past. Peace for the next few hours. Peace for whatever is out there for me in the future...

... thank you

and with that, i will wish you all a peaceful goodnight :)

Welcome to my Blog!

I am so excited to have this blog to share my journey! As you can see from my sidebar picture...there used to be a lot more to this Dashing Diva! In fact, 130 pounds more - but over the past 2 1/2 years i have changed....my eating...my moving...my belief in myself...my life...

From this journey i am now at a point with my body that a little 'tweaking and twanging' need to happen...'need' as in I need it, not that the world needs it, or should care about it..but i care - about all the hard work i've put forth - none of which i regret because this 'work' has taken me to new, unforeseen heights!

What is this 'tweaking'? Plastic surgery. To be exact - a circumferential body lift and a thigh lift. This event takes place 3 days from now, so my first series of blog entries will be chronicalling what is happening to me. The pain, the healing...the glory (let's hope!).

The surgery is only step one...a mere speed bump on the trip to my BIG goal of 2010....

I know...you're on the edge of your seat...

I have decided to compete in a Grand Master Bodybuilding competition in the fall.

This is huge...for me...or truly for anyone, but i want this so bad i can taste it. Do i want it so bad in order to win? Actually no. This will be my first foray into anything like this...although i am no stranger to a stage, this is a stage with barely any clothes on (kinda huge for someone who tipped the scales at 300lbs...) but just to know in my soul that i went from 'there' to 'here'.... WHO WOULD HAVE THUNK IT??!!

So the theme song for this year will be Billy Joel's "You may be right, I may be Crazy"....

....how fitting... :))

Welcome to my blog... thanks for stopping by!