Today is marginally better..... the fighting side is starting to get a little annoyed with the wimpy side...there is a stare-off going on...
I was watching Donald Sutherland on the Olympic morning show this morning and he spoke of this Cherokee story which goes something like this:
Inside each of us are 2 wolves fighting. One wolf is anger, pessimism, hate, self-doubt. The other wolf is generosity, love, appreciation, hope. When asked which one wins the fight.... the Cherokee answers 'whichever one you feed'.
So today, after a restless sleep, i walked the 10k...much of it on black ice...very dicey.... did a bunch of 'family cooking' (mac and cheese, meatloaf and mashed potatoes - keeps the boy happy ) , did some 'mexican tofu' - think i pretty much nailed the taste i have been trying to replicate from a local health food store, organized little containers of 1T almond butter as well as 1oz of almonds for the week....keep my fats in line but more importantly - good old Precision Nutrition structure! When you feel you are on the edge, reach for structure... for 'don't have to think about it'....
My coach, Frances, would not encourage me to put myself in any position that would not 'better myself'...and not necessarily meaning that towards just my body but towards my entire inner self...which is always more important to her than any pose or muscle or weight...when it comes to this i leave myself entirely in her hands and in the end i will make the final decision ...
that being said..between watching the Olympics I have been re-reading a log by a friend of mine Renee Willis. ..and Renee...if you are out there... i cannot begin to tell you how many times i've stopped and read, re-read... and stared into my soul and read the same thing over again.... and so here is a passage i want to share with everyone ...because it rocked me
"True growth does not happen in your comfort zone. Comfort zones are limiting zones. To grow is to dive deeply into areas that we naturally refrain; it is there that we will learn lessons that we are intended so we will evolve. A comfort zone is a place of stagnation; a place of slow death. To live fully is to literally get out of your comfort zone and master the areas that hold you back.
I am ALL. I determine my path. I determine the outcome of my path. I determine my ideologies, my goals, and my successes. People, text books, and history do not play a role into my ALL; I will determine my ALL."
I am in a comfort zone of sorts...i realize this now...and i am standing on the precipice of breaking out or staying safe. I know i have to get 'uncomfortable' again...i wish it would come easy but it's not going to...
I can see it in my mind's eye...i can see myself pushing past, so far past, previous limits...i also see how uncomfortable this is going to make many people around
me...people who don't understand...and i know i am in for a battle in many ways
