I can't believe it's been a little over a 6 weeks since I've been here!! Where have i been? What have i done?? Geez, all i know is that time just escapes, like air out of my belly during ab exercises!! LOL
I am down to 17 weeks out from competition date. I've done a lot... A LOT...of waffling on whether or not i will put myself out there....specifically to put my BUTT on the line...in the thong...facing strangers.... ! What an odd thing to do, really, when you think about it, but i will survive it. It won't be the best butt i will ever be on stage with, but it's my beginner butt!! LOL
There have been a few changes i've gone through both physically, mentally and emotionally in the past little while...although sometimes painful, always lead to growth if you truly allow yourself to get to the centre of the stimulus. Actually getting past your walls that you put up, your own self-defence mechanisms....pushing past that to the places you don't want to face is what will really get you to where you want to be...once again, on all fronts...
MENTALLY - if you know me at all, you know that i have this hang-up about training 'with people' ... i am the gym-loner, i train at home...few mirrors, no one watching, no one judging...it is my safety zone. Well this past month i finished a 4 month Next Level training seminar, coached by both Frances Manias (http://www.physiquecoach.com/) and Krista Schaus (http://www.definingedge.ca/) AND held at the Pheonix Fitness location in Ancaster. Yes, held in a gym...where "people" were working out... Talk about majorrrrr anxiety attack!! Mentally i still felt like i was the fat 12 year old going into gym class, knowing everyone would stare and make fun. Hmmmmm... deep breath.... It didn't happen! I know, i know .... we are all adults now, but surrounded by mirrors and extremely fit and hard-working people I actually 'fit in'.... I had to face the fact that I am as equally or perhaps even more fit than many who were there. Do you know how HARD that was for me to accept...? Internally?? Slowly that closed gate in my head began to open ... to see the real me .... As my friend Renee Willis frequently says, we have to get to the 'difficult difficult' ... think about that...it's a pretty powerful thought - and admission...
EMOTIONALLY - "the definition of stupidity is repeating the same behaviour and expecting different results". Rest assured I have been following a pattern in my life that truly defines me a 'stupid'!! It slapped me in the face. It slapped me in my soul. But i had to face 'the difficult' and admit to myself that yes, that is what I have been doing to me...it's no one else's fault....it's a comfort zone i usually run to and guess what..? it's not been giving me any of the results i sought...it never has....so, and trust me, this has been the hardest facet of my life to 'fess up to, i am pushing that away and making the past the past...yesterday's news....adios, sayonara...buh bye.... onward and upward..... It's not important exactly what my 'stupidity' was, we alllllll have our 'stupidities' .... the important part is, any of us can...and should...face this 'difficult' and change up what we're doing in order to change the results.... whether it's eating what we want but is no good for us, refusing to admit that yeah, you're gonna have to sweat to get the body you want, you're going to have to 'feel the hunger' ( and i mean this in ALL areas of your self - not just your belly) .... and rise above it ... We are all capable of reaching for the joy on the other side of our weaknesses ... if i can work on this - you can too :)
PHYSICAL - Wellllll, here we go! I have my work cut out for me. Muscle to build, body definition to carve, bodyfat to lose. Keeping my spirit and my 'centre' in focus in order to make the rest happen.... I am working HARD. I am training 7 times a week...3 days in a row, rest, 2 days of double training, rest...rinse and repeat... Let me tell you, those double days..which i have not done in any of my training so far....kicks your ass! It's an exhaustion that humbles you...and yet empowers you. I grind it out. I talk myself into 'one last set'. I grunt. I make faces. I commit. The actual physical workouts are one thing. Along with that as you all know - goes the nutrition. It's paying attention to exactly what i'm eating...when i'm eating...what combinations...are my days varied? am i trading up all the different 'colours'? FEEDING every fibre of my body with the most nutrient dense foods that are going to make it soar with energy and give me all the strength i need to grow...and glow...
I am focused on this whole process. I have to be. And fortunately almost every single person i surround myself with totally understands this. They know not to be offended when i say i can't come out to play because i HAVE to sleep... i need my rest to grow.
They know this is a moment in time and i need to honour it.
It's not forever, but it's for now.
Funny little story: i had a luncheon to attend this week and it was being held in an italian - strictly pizza and pasta restaurant - beautiful high quality food - but not food that i can eat and quite frankly, since i don't eat wheat at all, it would be off my list anyhow. What to do... hmmmm..bring my tupperware of food and eat in the car before the lunch? okay, i could do that... but no...i took it in a pretty bag into the restaurant and asked the wait staff if they could just heat it up for me when the main course was being served - 'dietary restriction'... No problem!! I got my lovely grilled fish, brown rice and veggies served to me while everyone else had sauce-laden pasta with large rolls, oil drenched antipasto. Great food - but not my food. It took me a bit of guts to do that, but they had no trouble with it and it was a win-win situation! And i think everyone was a bit jealous.... LOL
I am pushing my body hard....doing abs when i just don't freakin' feel like it...trying (and i emphasize 'trying) to build my butt with specific exercises - everyyyyy dayyyy - on top of whatever i'm training ....going to fatigue on last sets just to push the envelope ... making my cardio increasingly harder - not longer - just harder .... finishing up in a total sweat ... feeling it run from the roots of my hair right down to my sweating knees! Foam rolling after it all ... which is like being in labour all over again ....
The scale is moving in the right direction....pants are getting looser (something must be happening down there, right??! LOL) .... but best of all, as 'restricting' as all of this may sound to many people ... i feel so .....invincible....powerful....almost giddy with purpose .... I am building 'my house' ...and it's the one true thing that is truly mine.... it's ME :)
..... i wish this for everyone .....
